“My search to fit in led me into the life of a crack cocaine addict, and instead of fitting in, I became a outcast.”

Dave

I wanted so much to fit in as a young boy. My security was wrapped up in how people acted towards me and what they thought of me, and this overshadowed my need to please my parents. In high school, most of my peers were more interested in partying than hobbies, sports or anything else, so I joined right in. My junior year, I began experimenting with alcohol and marijuana. I always made good grades in school, and I thought marijuana would expand my mind. At first, I just smoked it on the weekends, but within 6 months, I was smoking everyday. By my senior year, my grades began to drop. What I thought would increase my creativity was actually robbing me of my ability to do well. I became disobedient and rebellious towards my parents. Until now, my dad had been my best friend, but my life, my attitude, and my priorities were changing.

After graduation, I went on to college, where I was able to obtain more drugs. I began taking acid everyday, but after a while, I realized it was destroying my mind. I couldn’t think clearly anymore, even when I was not high. Eventually, I failed out of college and came back home.

My drug addiction had already led me further than I intended to go, and now I was dabbling in the occult. I was trying to cover the throbbing pain of being so insecure, but nothing seemed to help. I needed to be accepted, and I got involved in whatever my friends were doing. My parents soon found out about my deceptive life and the liar I had become. Dad gave me three options. I could go to rehab, move out, or join the military. The military was not an option, and neither was moving out because I had no place to go. I chose rehab only to please my parents and hopefully regain some of their trust. After rehab, I went back to college and right back to drugs. I even began cultivating my own marijuana. Whenever my parents called, I told them how well I was doing in school. My life had grown into a huge lie, and I felt so ashamed.

I moved to yet another college to be with my girlfriend. I now had to maintain the lies I told her and the ones I told my parents. I had previously been an easygoing, friendly person, but now I was filled with so much anxiety and shame that I could barely communicate with people. Drugs were robbing me of everything, but I couldn’t stand the misery I felt when I didn’t have them. I got a DUI, driving under the influence, and the lies I had built up around me began to crumble. My parents and my girlfriend found out everything. I dropped out of school and began snorting cocaine everyday. The cocaine began to make my nose bleed too much, so I started smoking it. Everything in my life revolved around my drug addiction. I worked to buy drugs and sold drugs to buy drugs. I felt so alone and depressed.